When Monica Brivio left her native Italy for the Netherlands to pursue a PhD, little did she realize that she would form an eternal bond with the country. She met and married Emiel Speets, her Dutch colleague at the faculty of Science & Technology.
Monica and Emiel were married in a civil ceremony in the Netherlands in August 2002. Their wedding was a hushed weekend affair. 'Only our immediate families and a few close friends were present for the occasion. We had been living together for almost two years and were extremely happy, but we wanted to do something special for each other.' Monica is looking forward to a church wedding, which she calls 'the real wedding'. She explains, 'In Italy, the civil ceremony is only a formality, a church wedding is what counts for everyone. We would have loved a big wedding, but it would have taken a lot of time and effort, so we decided to postpone it until after our respective promotions in late 2004.'
The couple got married on a Friday and went to work to as usual on Monday. When people asked Monica what she did over the weekend, she casually replied, 'Nothing much, just got married!' The reactions were amusing, Monica explains, 'A male colleague said that he would never let his girlfriend know, lest she get any ideas; a female colleague rushed to tell her boyfriend to give him a hint!'
While Monica gained a husband in Emiel, she lost someone very close to her - her father. 'We visited my parents in Italy during Christmas 2001. For the first time, my father was not sad when I was leaving, because he saw how much Emiel and I loved each other. A few days later he passed away from a heart attack. I think his passing away also influenced my decision to get married.'
Monica did not encounter any problems as a foreigner trying to get married in the Netherlands. Like the Dutch natives, she had to register her desire to get married with the gemeente. She also submitted her birth certificate and a document certifying that she was not already married. (A curious requirement in the Netherlands!) The trouwambtenaar, the official who conducted the ceremony, visited the couple a few days in advance to learn about their background. This helps the official to prepare a personal speech for the assembled audience on the special day. `The ceremony was so beautiful,' Monica says dreamily, 'One girlfriend who is known to be unsentimental about such things cried buckets!'
Monica and Emiel paid 200 euros for the thirty-minute ceremony. Incidentally, marrying on a weekday is a bit cheaper than on a weekend. Monica rationalizes the cost, `In Italy, you have to `offer' 500 euros to the church! The gemeente is a bureaucratic body and one pays for their services, but having to pay to a religious body...I don't really approve of that.'
Monica does not find many cultural differences between Emiel and herself. 'But I must mention one rather strange Dutch sight - kids in prams eating frikadels the size of which is larger than them! The kids look bizarre......the frikadel appears gigantic in their hands!' she exclaims. Monica is a zealous supporter of the Zwolle football club and Emiel loves pasta, which provides a possible theory for the absence of cultural differences. Or is it better attributed to what Freddie Mercury of Queen terms a `Crazy Little Thing Called Love'?
Hometown: Monza, in the province of Milano
Languages known: Italian, English, Dutch
Favorite food: Parmigiana
Favorite music: Rock, Punk
Favorite movie: Reservoir Dogs
Love to read: South American literature, especially by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Best part of living in NL: Getting married
Worst part of living in NL: The unvarying landscape
