To start with, what is a good way to approach someone?
‘Just strike up a conversation. Show an interest in them and tell them something about yourself. It can be about simple things: your degree programme, where you live, or your hobbies. Just the standard questions you ask to get to know someone better. The activities and games during the Kick-In certainly help with that. You do not always have to start a conversation yourself. Sometimes an activity puts you in contact with someone.’
What often plays a role when meeting new people?
‘We often look for people who are similar to us. Clothing style and interests play a role in that. Is someone outgoing and fond of parties, or are they a bit quieter? If you notice that you are similar to each other, you feel more at ease more quickly. That can happen during the very first conversation. The choice of a doegroup is important for first-year students. Associations can also make their identity clear. Audentis is known for going out, drinking, and heading into town. This quickly gives students an idea of what they can expect.’
How important are similarities, such as studying the same subject, living in the same place, or being the same age?
‘They are not always important. You can click with someone who studies something completely different or lives somewhere else. Experiencing something together, whether positive or negative, can also strengthen a bond. Two international students from different cultural backgrounds may find common ground precisely because they share the same experience.
Intelligence level also plays a role. Can you talk, think, and connect with each other on the same level? Within a doegroup of university students, intelligence levels are generally comparable. Ultimately, though, the type of person is more important. People often say that opposites attract, but there is no solid research to support that.’
Can you influence whether you click with someone, or is it something that just happens?
‘You can certainly create opportunities for yourself. Someone who is more introverted, for example, would do well to choose a doegroup that suits them and join an association. The most important thing is to create as many opportunities as possible to meet other people. Find an association that suits you. It does not have to be about going out at all. There are also Christian associations, for example, if that is important to you.
Life outside your studies is just as important. Doegroup parents also have a role to play here. They can point students towards the different opportunities and help when someone is still unsure where they can find a sense of belonging.’
Can you also try too hard to make friends?
‘Of course, a bond becomes stronger when you do enjoyable things together. But rejection is also part of life sometimes. What matters is what you learn from it and that you accept it. Friendship has to be mutual.’
What if it seems as though everyone except you has found a group?
‘Do not let your doubts build up too much during the Kick-In. If you notice on the first day that a doegroup is not right for you, talk about it. The doegroup parents can help with that. They are there to talk to and can think things through with you. I also think doegroup parents have a role in noticing in good time when someone seems to be hanging around on the sidelines.’
Is it normal if you still have not found anyone after a few days of the Kick-In?
‘Yes, because you do not have to have a genuine connection with someone after just a few days. Everyone responds differently to new situations. Give yourself time, and do not think there is something wrong with you if it takes a little longer.’
