Which study association has the best coffee?

| Bas Leijser

‘The Lister’ is a biweekly series created by Bas Leijser, a UT MSc-student and writer at U-Today, who seeks to create order from chaos through the use of listicles. This time, he lists the best study associations and other places to get coffee at the University of Twente.

Let’s be honest here, most people choose their study association based on where they can get the best coffee. So, let me make it easy for you: here is a guide where I tested the coffee at eight study associations and two other places in a single day. I now suffer from permanent heart rhythm disorder and insomnia, so I hope it is worth it.

 

S.V. Arago espreschoc ★★★★☆

I had all my jokes ready about black hole coffee at the applied physics study association, but it turns out that the members here prefer brown dwarfs instead.

This is a stellar combination of espresso and hot chocolate, described by the board of S.V. Arago as the ‘perfect combination of caffeine and sugar, and very popular in the morning’.

Although the drink itself looks like Jupiter’s Great Red Spot got drunk and had sex with a white dwarf, the taste was excellent, so this drink gets 4 out of 5 stars. 

 

I.C.T.S.V. Inter-Actief Nespresso ★★★★★

do

{

            coffeeCup.Drink();

            studyTask.Execute();

     {

            if (coffeeCup.Empty()
            && owner.isDepresso())
            cup.fill(‘Espresso’);

     }

}  while (!studyTask.Done());

 

Inter-Actief offers the perfect beverage for, to quote Nespresso, coffee connoisseurs who are on a daily journey into sensory enlightenment (I imagine this applies to every student who spends most of his day interacting with a computer).
// Five out of five stars.

 

W.T.S. Ideefiks coffee ★★★★☆ (material score) & ★★★★★ (immaterial)

Picture a café, somewhere along the banks of the Seine in Paris, where Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting. If you don’t know him, then at least read his Wikipedia entry, or if you’re feeling ambitious, read his work ‘Being and Nothingness’.

Moving on, Sartre orders a coffee, and says to the waitress: “I would like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” To which the waitress says: “I’m sorry, mister, but we are out of cream. How about with no milk?”

 

 

 

 

Douwe Egberts coffee dispenser (€0,45) ★★★☆☆ (premium) & ☆☆☆☆☆ (non-premium)

Buying this coffee is like a vicious cycle: you don’t have the energy to walk to your study association, so you buy one of these at one of those machines that are everywhere. Then, rejuvenated, you think to yourself: “damn, this coffee is expensive, and it only takes about 10 cups of these to pay for my study association fee.”

So, the solution is obvious: become a member of a study association in every building and you will still save money. Alternatively, you could get the non-premium coffee, often for free, but why would you willingly poison yourself?

 

 

 

 

 

W.S.G. Abacus coffee ★★★☆☆

A mathematician and a physicist see a coffee machine with a passed out student next to it.

The physicist gives the student a cup of coffee.

The mathematician gives the student a cup of coffee.

A mathematician and a physicist see a coffee machine with a fresh looking student next to it.

The physicist does nothing.

The mathematician knocks out the student and then gives him a coffee, reducing the problem to a previously solved form.

Good, Douwe Egberts filter coffee. Comes with a chance of getting knocked out.

 

Starbucks iced brew latte soy extra hipster edition (€3,49) ★★★☆☆

There are two reasons to go to Starbucks:

  1. You need Wi-Fi.
  2. You want to be a hipster.

Since we have Eduroam all over campus, through the process of elimination that leaves only one sensible outcome.

So, why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

To be fair, I like Starbucks. When I studied in Japan, it was my go-to place for Wi-Fi, and saved my life multiple times. Some Frappuccino’s are pretty good and quite affordable if you don’t mind donating a kidney or two.

 

 

ConcepT coffee ☆☆☆☆☆

Is this hot chocolate that you see on the picture? Is it air-entrained concrete that somehow got a brownish tint? No, believe it or not, this is supposed to be coffee.

ConcepT is, obviously, the best study association on campus, but the coffee there is terrible. Hence why I became a member of S.V. Paradoks. Sadly, the concept of good coffee is one bridge too far for this study association.

 

 

 

 

 

 

S.V. Paradoks Coffee ★★★★★

Warning, incredible author bias below. For Dutch readers, remember the ‘herring test’, ‘French fries test’, and ‘oliebollen test’ of AD? This is something like that.

The difference is that AD cares about being objective while I, to be frank, don’t.

I am a member of ConcepT originally, yet I joined Paradox, just like many fellow (wannabe) civil engineers, for the coffee. Those pharmacists sure know how to make a good coffee and handle such advanced equipment as a coffee machine with proper care.

 

 

S.G. Daedalus Coffee ★★★★☆

Perhaps I should have expected it with this being the industrial design association and all, but when I went to the board of Daedalus to request a cup of coffee, I was immediately handed a mug and a piece of chalk and asked to ‘come up with something creative’.

The best I could come up with is to write down ‘U-Today’. Good thing my own study is one of the least creative ones on campus and we’re still copying infrastructure and bridge designs from the Romans.

 

 

 

W.S.G. Isaac Newton coffee ★★★☆☆

There is a bit of a rivalry between ConcepT and Newton, and I would not want to offend someone who knows how to work with a hammer or can just throw bicycles at me. So, instead, here is a joke:

Newton, Einstein and Pascal play a game of hide-and-seek. Einstein is up first, counts to ten, and opens his eyes. 

Pascal is hidden somewhere, while Newton is standing right in front of Einstein. He is holding some chalk in his hand and has drawn a square box around his feet, of one by one meter.

Einstein says: “Newton, you are terrible at this game, I have found you.”

To which Newton replies: “No, Einstein, you’ve found one Newton per square meter, so you found Pascal!”

 

S.V. Communiqué & Dimensie

Since my last visit, I am too afraid to enter the Cubicus, so unfortunately I could not test the coffee at S.V. Communiqué or Dimensie. I would advise you to stay clear of this building.

 

C.T.S.G. Alembic & S.V.A.T. Astatine

These study associations are somewhere up in the Horst tower. You can imagine that after 10 cups of coffee and a heartbeat of 438, I did not have the mental strength to go up there.

 

Any other study associations that I’ve missed... Sorry that I couldn’t test your coffee, but please don’t Stress, no one takes you Sirius anyway.

 

-RECTIFICATION-  (added 4-7-2018)

S.A. Atlantis ><(((º>><(((º>><(((º>><(((º>><(((º>

What did Poseidon say to Atlas? Nothing, he just waved.

What did Atlas say to Poseidon? He waved, then the Earth fell down.

What did Zeus then say to Atlas? Nothing, he just stormed off.

Dutchpeople (Justin Trudeau taught me that Dutchmen is sexist) are incorruptible, until you present them with a free stroopwafel. So, in a totally unbiased way, I rate this espresso four out of five fish.

 

S.V. Onwijs Paradox+1★

S.V. Onwijs has a special committee that is in charge of their coffee, called KFC (koffie-faciliterende-commissie). This coffee was significantly less spicy, sticky and expensive than what you get at KFC, and probably more animal-friendly too, although I suspect they may keep a snow owl somewhere.

This coffee is also better than the one at Paradox, so sorry guys, but I am switching sides faster than Italy.